Awesome?
In yesterday’s post I discussed the pitfalls of being self-depreciating. Today I want to look at the opposite problem, where you talk yourself up way too much. There’s a fine line that we all have to walk between appearing confident, and appearing conceited. I mean, we all want to feel awesome about what we do, right? And sometimes, you want to share your sense of awesomeness with the rest of the world. The important thing is to not take it too far and make it seem like you’re saying you’re the best thing since sliced bread, or that you’re better than all of the dancers around you.
When you want to say something good about yourself (which I really think is good to do on a pretty regular basis), I think it’s best not to make it a comparative statement (unless you’re comparing current-you to past-you). For instance, I would never say “Wow, I was definitely the best dancer at Open Stage tonight!” but I might say “Wow, I think I gave one of my best performances ever at Open Stage tonight!” In doing so, I celebrate my own success without taking away from the success of any other dancer who might have danced more beautifully than I did.
Similarly, I think it’s a good idea to never claim to be the best at something, or better than your local peers. If you’ve actually been fortunate enough to win something like “Best Performance Artist in Southern Arizona” then when mentioning that in your biography, you should say which governing body gave you that awesome title and what year you received it, because it’s pretty likely that a different group bestowed that same honor on someone else.
It’s also important to have a realistic grasp of your abilities. There are people out there who genuinely believe that there’s no point in taking classes or workshops because they’ve already learned it all. I find that hard to believe. There’s always more to learn, and room for improvement. Those who decide that they are at the top of their field and that they can now rest on their laurels will be quickly overtaken by those who are working hard and always reaching to be better. When you say something good about what you’ve done, you can follow it up by mentioning how you can’t wait to do more practice and be even better next time.
A good strategy for saying nice things about yourself is to say nice things about others at the same time. For instance, you may want to say “I am so happy to have been part of such a wonderful show this evening, the stage was overflowing with talent!” Maybe even give a shout-out to a couple of performers who really moved you. When you feel really good about how you did in class, mention that everyone was really giving it their all. When your troupe had a great show, say how proud you are to work with them. Thank your teacher for helping you develop your choreography or your family for supporting you as you organized your first big show. It’s always nice to see gratitude and humility in the face of success.
Of course, there are times when you want to just say “I am so freakin’ awesome!” This is usually best saved for your nearest and dearest. When my troupe has a great show and I tell them “We were AWESOME!” what I mean is “Hey, we just danced at our absolute best.” Of course I know our best isn’t the best in the world, but I want to acknowledge that I’m proud of us. Likewise, when I make a super-gorgeous bra for myself and I know it’s beautiful and I put it on with my pajama pants and show it off to my husband, I know it’s not as good as what a professional costumer would make, but it’s the best I made so far and I feel awesome. There’s nothing wrong with engaging in this sort of behavior with your close friends and family.
Lastly, when posting or saying something good about yourself, try to make it about how you feel rather than how you are. Say “I’m really happy…” or “I feel good about” or “I think…” Rather than making it a statement of fact about how awesome you are, you’re sharing your positive outlook. That’s the sort of confidence that people like to see.